Pretty much the only good thing about making a complete FOOL of myself at work is the joy I get blogging about it later. To that end, this week I have managed to stick my foot in my mouth not just once....but twice.
To set the scene. The date is Monday, June 21st. The time is some time in the afternoon, after four. Your heroine is somewhat tired, somewhat frazzled and desperately trying to get people signed up for orientation class which is taking place the following day. To this end she has a list of people who are new, sitting beside her phone and ....
*curtain rises and a man enters. He is a married baptist minister, middle aged, good tempered with a nice smile The receptionist looks up, looks down and scans list of patients to get signed up for orientation class and realizes this man is on it. Puts on most charming smile she can muster, looks up again*
Me: *brightly* "So...what are YOU doing tomorrow night at six o'clock?"
Him: *terrified awkward turtle look*
Me: *realizes it sounds like I'm trying to ask him out, turns red, more awkward turtle* "...uh...because we have orientation class tomorrow night and you haven't been yet and ... "
*Everyone else in the office supportively burst into laughter*
Me: *put patient's folder over her head like a tent* ...I AM SO NOT ASKING YOU OUT TO DINNER.
Him: *jokingly* Well....I feel younger already.
Me: *mumbles to self, still under patient file tent* "oh...I have GOT to find a better way to word that."
And if that wasn't enough for this week....I followed that with this earlier today:
*Curtain rises, Male patient, in late forties passes turbosonic ad on wall. Turbosonic ad says something about "let us help you fit into your itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini" It's catchy, it's cute, it gets noticed. Good ad. Male patient comes to the receptionist's window to check out.*
Patient: I want y'all to get ME to fit into an itsy bitsy teeny weenie bikini.
Me: *deadpans* Kenny, you are NOT the first man to want to get into an itsy bitsy teeny weenie bikini."
What I MEANT was...you're not the first male patient I've had make that JOKE about fitting into a bikini. But....that was not exactly what I said.
I'm failing at words this week. So yes, open mouth, insert foot. Twice. I hope it doesn't happen again because frankly I'm out of feet and the thought of putting someone else's foot in my mouth is revolting. Luckily I only have 1/2 day left in the work week. There's no way I could embarrass myself in a half day....right? Right?!? Jinx.
Stay tuned.
Allie
Author :
allie
